LOTR Poems That Suck On Purpose
by Carcilwen Thorned-Rose
Summary: Um, I felt like it...I wantd to make fun of bad, cliché poems that find their way over here. Hope you like them. Poem 7 UP!
1. Legolas Love Poem

LOTR Poems That Suck on Purpose!!!  
Woo! Here we go with more insanity! These are horrible for a reason. I  
*tried* to make them bad. I don't own LOTR. *sobs*  
  
Poem the First  
Legolas Love Poem  
  
Legolas is hott!!!!  
I love him a lot!  
I want to do him!  
Maybe in a gym!  
He's sexy!  
My name is not Lexy!  
I hope he loves me!  
I can't wait to see the third movie!  
I love Legolas and he loves me in his heart!  
Nothing will tear us apart!  
  
I need suggestions if you want more! *nudge* 


	2. Frodo Love Poem

By request, here is the next LOTR Poem that Sucks on Purpose! Thanks to  
K@mikaze KAtie AAPPG 42 for being the first reviewer! I feel the same way  
about Legolas. He's nice looking and an interesting character.but I'm not  
an idiot either! And I love Mel Gibson too! {Only my favorite of his movies  
is Braveheart. I like to tell people I am descended from William Wallace!  
Hey, I'm Scots-Irish.}  
Down with the air heads *cough*Hilary Duff*cough*  
  
Frodo Love Poem  
  
Look at his big old blue eyes!  
And his curly hair makes me want to die!  
Oh he's so sexy!  
My name is still not Lexy!  
What if he got married or something?  
I haven't read the books or nothing!  
But Sam, he likes him!  
The marriage was a trick, by Jim!  
Oh I love Frodo and his sexy feet  
To look at him naked would be a treat!  
  
*hangs head in shame* I know, I know. SICK. But that's how it goes. Chapter  
3 will be up by 2/12. I swear. 


	3. Faramir Love Poem

Faramir Love Poem  
  
Faramir is so hot!  
And I think Denethor is not!  
He has a cute stubble beard!  
I saw him and cheered!  
He is so sexy!  
And still I am not Lexy!  
He looked at Éowyn!  
I don't think he'll win!  
I want my Faramir!  
At everyone else I jeer!  
  
*wrestles Merry into a cute OshKosh overall outfit* Reviews make me happy. 


	4. Aragorn Love Poem

Aragorn Love Poem  
  
I got SO many requests to do this...so here we go!  
  
I just love my Gorny!  
Oh he makes me so horny!  
I hate Arwen a lot!  
I could just give her a swat!  
Aragorn is just oh so sexy!  
And my name is STILL not Lexy!  
Oh he is just so dirty!  
He makes me feel flirty!  
I am glad Arwen dies!  
I would make her into pies!  
Oh I'll love Aragorn forever!  
I'll stop loving him never! 


	5. Poem in Elvish

Poem in "Elvish"  
  
By popular demand, here is a poem in some "long-lost" form of Elvish...it's  
bad, let me tell you. Complete with über-hokey translation. About, you  
guessed it, Legolas. Rating now for a reason. It's pretty bad. That's why  
the title says it sucks on purpose. It's also really tedious to write, so  
it's thankfully short. I'll shut up now.  
  
Namárië  
  
Yánklera hënvänië a Legolas  
A lólpabna hjuól nsuóna léá  
Ooooh äneakéra dwænawý  
Ghyúioásnay aqwea nïszaá!  
Khlénsanawë ghyujé!  
Ah! Aníron Legolas!  
  
Oh, my love for Legolas  
His body and mine are forever together  
Ooooh when we make love  
It is so wonderful!  
We'll never be serparated!  
Ah! I want Legolas! 


	6. Haldir Love Poem

Haldir  
  
Oh Haldir is so gorgeous!  
I also think he's bulbous!  
You can see his roots!  
But I bet he's hot in boots!  
I think he's beyond sexy!  
And I am still not named Lexy!  
And then when he died!  
That's when I cried!  
He is always welcome in bed!  
Whoever else wants him will be dead!  
  
I couldn't resist. I got what, five or six people asking for a Haldir-  
poem? That was it. SUGGESTIONS! 


	7. Pippin Love Poem

_Pippin_  
  
I love Pippin who is cute!  
I don't think he's a brute!  
His feet are real sexy!  
And my name is once more not Lexy!  
I hate that girl he smiled at!  
I think she is ugly and fat!  
I love his armor and sword!  
Looking at him never makes me bored!  
  
_People demanded hobbit poems. Watch for "Merry" some time this week, and I  
may do a funny one for Gothmog eventually...for readers of _The Silmarillion_...And another chapter of "Dreams and Love: Another Mary-Sue Parody" is being written. Also expect another bad-fic soon. Suggestions for that one?_ _It'll be another Mary-Sue of some sort, so give me your worst!_


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